Some people just make a difference…

The other day I read a post my aunt wrote on Facebook about needing to see blogs updated!  So, I knew that I had to start working on and actually finishing the posts I started a while ago.  But then something else came to mind – my aunt. 

I thought more and more about the impact her and her family made on my life and it is just amazing! 

Growing up, Aunt Pam was literally a second mother to me.  She lived in the house behind my parents and I am pretty sure I spent a lot of time over there, even if she really wanted me to go home.  She was also great at giving me motherly guilt trips and making me apologize to her son Cody when I hit him with the shovel for making me angry.  Still don’t know if I agree with my being the one to apologize for that or not!!  Just kidding……..  almost…… ha ha!   J

Aunt Pam was there for all of the milestones I have reached so far in my life:  birth, baptism, graduation, receiving my endowments (she was my escort), hitting the big 30 – well, actually hitting 29 forever.  Did you know we are the same age now??  It is awesome! 

Thanks for wanting to be a part of my family.  I talk with friends who aren’t fortunate enough to have the relationship my siblings and I have with our aunt.  That makes me sad, because I have learned so much from her over the years! 

I’ll never forget how lucky I was when I went to the hospital and she and Uncle Ken were here to help Erin transition back to work after her first was born and I ended up needing the most help.  I felt terrible that happened, but so grateful that while my mother was trying to get there, I had her! 

She has been there to help my mother through the tough times she has had with me either being stubborn or too emotional (I get that from my dad), or when sad things surface that she needs help dealing with them.  For that I am very grateful!

 

Also, thanks again for making such an awesome birthday cake!!  I don’t know if I will marry before you retire your wedding cake gift – but at least I got one without having to drag a man to the altar!!  Shows that I just might be your favorite niece, right!?!?

I know that if a major disaster hits I am supposed to make my way to Aunt Pam’s house no matter where I happen to be living.  Why?  Well, because between her and Uncle Ken, they have enough food storage to feed the entire state of Utah.  Then there is the fact that she also has toilet seats for 5-gallon buckets – should that need ever arise I would be one happy survivor if I had those! 

Aunt Pam, thank you!  Thanks for being such a great second mom.  For telling me when I was in the wrong but also for sharing in the joy when I did things right.  Thanks for making me a better niece and daughter.  Thanks for being a great sister to my mother – the Lord knew what he was doing when he put you two together! 

 

 

A Thousand Years...

 

A Thousand Years

I have heard this song a few times on the radio and loved it.  It also plays in the last Twilight movie and the placement was perfect - way to go Music Director!! 

I was talking with my sister very, very early on a Saturday morning - she woke me up!!  We talked about where I was in my life and where she was and talked about why she was envious of my life and I spoke to her about what I loved about her life.  I was hoping that if I just wished enough our wishes would come true...

She then told me that as much as she loved the freedom of being single, she couldn't give up her family, especially her husband. 

I have talked about dating a lot lately with friends, family, co-workers - - At least that is what it seems like to me.  I have also posted about dating:  Emerging Adulthood, Letter, Smack down... 

But the one thing my sister said to me hit me to the core and I haven't forgotten it since.  It was simply that she recognized how hard it is to be dating right now and how of all the girls in my family, I was the strongest one to deal with this.  I was surprised - not for the recognition (although that was very much appreciated) but that she said I was the strongest sister. 

I never felt that way, EVER!  I cry, pout, torture myself by watching sappy love movies (dang that Nicholas Sparks!!), and carried on alone. 

Those few words have really given me a different perspective...  Thank you sis!

My 30th Birthday "Cruise"

My 30th birthday came bright and early...  I got up around 6ish to hit the zoo's new exhibit and then ended up going there again in the afternoon to enjoy the zoo with my family before heading to Erin's for the pool party.  For my birthday, I was informed that I could go to lunch in a restaurant of my choosing (a nice present from my parents)!  I was so excited to go anywhere, only I didn't realize how hard it is working around hungry kids and a pregnant sister!  So it was decided to save that for another day.

Due to the running around in the afternoon and my terrible timing - I was running late...  And I HATE running late!  I drove like a madman to Erin's house knowing I had people there waiting for me to arrive...  I felt TERRIBLE! 

Finally, we pull into the driveway and I grabbed everything from the car and rushed inside.  As soon as Erin spotted me she insisted she bring out the cake....  I hadn't even put down my purse or said hello to my friends!  I told her we could wait a little bit and then sing, but she told me we were doing cake NOW!  I thought it was weird and then in she came - with no cake - but the cake was behind her being carried by - - - - - -   MY MOTHER!!! 

The surprise brought me to tears - I mean who WOULDN'T cry!!! - I sobbed for probably a good 5 minutes.   Then I noticed that Aunt Pam was there too - I couldn't have asked for a better birthday present!  I had my two moms there!  :)

(It should be mentioned that my father even kept this a secret from me!! Way to go Dad!)

My family had decked out the Kitchen and Living Rooms to look like a cruise ship deck and I was in heaven!  The lights on the ceiling where my favorite - thanks Dru!  Here are some pictures to show you just how amazing everything was that night!  BEST BIRTHDAY EVER!!! 

I couldn't believe the friends that traveled far and near just to celebrate with me - I won't ever forget!  I am so blessed!  Enjoy some shots courtesy of Cassie!  :)

Daddy's Little Girl!

I honestly think that I am my Dad’s Favorite Girl…  Now, now, sisters – before you get in a tizzy, let me put forth a few examples. 

My father would pull us into his room and give us lecture # 73 – The Tree of Life.  I quickly learned to say I was lost in the Mists of Darkness/Sin and if that didn’t work to pray that my mother would come and break up the four-hour lecture.  I think that my father gave those lectures to me because he wanted to show the other siblings that he wasn’t treating me as his favorite. 

When I wasn’t getting lectures from my father I was working by his side.  I always felt like one of the boys growing up because I helped my father with the farm work, building water pivots, outdoor work, going to farms to “take care” of animals that I would later help cut up and wrap. 

I will never forget the time I learned what my father meant when he was always telling me not to wear loose clothing when changing water lines.  I refused to go out looking like I was working on a farm because I never knew when the neighbor boy would drive by in his tractor!  I realized a little to late that the stylish poncho he kept telling me not to wear was caught in the motor for the water line and my stomach was inches away from being ripped open…  Lo and behold who should drive by but my father!  At first he thought I was just waving to say hello but then realized that something was wrong and leaped from the tractor – I don’t think he even put the brake on!!  That day my father literally saved my life!  He was my hero! 

I also recall the time that we moved into their current house and my brother and I were helping put the barbed wire fence up.  I was in charge of holding the spool of wire – foolishly thinking I would safe if anything happened.  The line my father was tightening ended up breaking and flinging back to find a resting place in my back and shoulder.  My mother decided at that moment to walk out of the house to come over and check on us, my dad looked at me and said not to cry.  We pulled the wire off my back and quickly went back to work; I dared not speak in fear of giving away any sign of pain.  I think my dad was a little scared of my mom!  ;)  Therefore, I was his hero!

I will always remember my dad walking into my room, a month before I was to leave for Bryce Canyon, and literally “helping” me pack my bags.  Then a month later, after visiting me in my new location, giving me a hug and not wanting to let go! 

Sitting here typing this I realized my father has taught me a lot over the years.  He taught me to drive at the young age of twelve.  He taught me how to fish, shoot a gun, play the organ, conduct music (I love conducting MoTab on the radio with you Dad – we are pretty good at it too!), how to work hard, hum while you work, honesty and love. 

Dad, this Father’s Day I want you to look at all of your children and realize just how lucky we are to have you as a father.  I don’t think that you realize what an amazing man you have become over the years.  We have had some rough patches (note that was because of my other siblings – not because of me, the perfect daughter) but we got through them and grew as a family.  Together.  And that is how I picture the years going forward to be like for us…  Well, after the others get over the jealousy of my being your favorite.  J

I love you, you old fart! 

Mother, I Love You!

So, it has literally taken me a few days to figure out how to post a video...  I feel my mad computer skillz have gone down the drain!   :(

Mom,
I made this little video because I wanted to show you how much I love you!  Plus, I am hoping that I will be earning creative bonus points towards being your favorite child!!  :)
I hope you know that you are an amazing woman! 

This is for you...

February - Valentine's Day

February is a month of mixed emotions for me. 

I don't think it is just because I am single either...

This February is the second anniversary of my changing my outlook on life.  Two years ago, February, was one of the hardest months - I made a lot of poor choices and hurt my family. 

This year it hit me extra hard and I was really struggling - then the worst day of the year was around the corner - VALENTINE'S DAY!  A single persons personal Hell...

But something weird happened - I received chocolate covered strawberries from my brother and his family.  They were delicious and helped lighten my dark and sour mood.  The next day I received flowers from another brother, homemade Valentine's from my sister and  her kids, yummy cookies from the parents and then even MORE flowers from my other sister. 

I went home that night and found a lovely card from another brother and a sweet homemade Valentine with yummy suckers from my sister and her family.  It completely made my mood change!

I was brought to tears by the love that my family has for me!  And I know that not because of the flowers, strawberries, cards, suckers and/or cookies....  But because the past two years, they have really been there for me! 

Emailing me loving words of encouragement
Holding me up when I couldn't hold myself
Flying out to see me when things were a little rough
Purchasing a Wii because they knew it made me happy (Thanks Dad - not only am I grateful, but so are all of my Wii Dancing friends!)
Helping me move into a more suitable environment
Cleaning my room of hazardous materials - thanks Erin and April!  :)
Crying with me on the phone when I don't understand things

That to me is L - O - V - E!! 

Family - you mean more to me than life itself...  I am here today because of the love and strength you have shown me!  Thank you for everything. 

I LOVE YOU!!! 

We are a Happy Family!!!

Day 14 - Picture of you and your family.

I love my family. We are massive and so full of love and acceptance, I can't believe how lucky I am!

I didn't always feel that way though - When I was a little girl I was embarrassed to go out with everyone. I didn't like hearing the comments people would make when twelve (12) individuals exited one vehicle. It made me feel like we were on display or something, it was weird to me.

Then I started to grow up and really see what being part of a large family really was.

I made a list (because I LOVE lists) about why I love being in my family:

1) I never run out of people to talk to.
2) I love to see the shock on friends faces when I tell them how large my family is currently which is 39 (not including the great grandkids or any buns still in the oven). Such a change from when I was younger!! Now, I try to get everyone together just so I can say look at MY family - aren't we AWESOME!
3) I have family members that can help out with loads of everyday things - plumbing, cars, computers, cooking, carpentry, printers, zombies, running, painting, gun safety, home decor, crafts, sewing, painting, anything Apple, phew... that is a lot and I can still name a TON more!
4) I believe we now have birthdays in every month!
5) I get to buy cards in bulk to send for holidays, birthdays, etc.
6) We have to get the family and/or friends to bring their trailers to the parent's house when we all come home for a visit.
7) Each person is very unique and yet the same!
8) We really love to spend time with each other - which is also a change from when we all were younger!
9) Just when you think the family can't get any bigger, you find out another wave of little ones is on it's way!
10) Friends want to go to your house to visit your parents and family, oh, and sometimes you.
11) You always have someone willing to cheer you on, pick you up, or just hold you until things get better!
12) Also, You always have a TON of people to remind you of when you made a fool of yourself and that it is sometimes caught on film! ugh...
13) But you realize that sometimes you are part of something is more special than you could imagine and you feel BLESSED!

Thank you family for making me feel so loved and special!

My letter to you...

Day 13 - A letter to someone

Dear Future Husband,

You have been on my mind a lot lately - could be from the recent wedding of my brother to the death of a friend’s mother… You may wonder why the death of someone would remind me of you, but it is simply because that husband will no longer have the constant companionship that the wife provided in this life. But it reminds me of what I believe in and how families and most importantly a husband and wife are together for eternity. I believe that with all my heart and I hope to share that great blessing with you.

I know that I may get angry when you hog the bed or the covers, leave your dirty socks on the floor or leave a honey-do-list undone. But know that I will get over my anger/frustration. I hope that we won’t go to bed angry or afraid to talk about what is bothering us to each other. Although I am sorta excited for a little argument now and then because, let’s face it, sometimes I like to have a good argument! Sorry, I will try and warn you before you pop any question!

I can’t wait for the day that we will have our own children whether I can provide them or through adoption. I can’t wait to see you hold our son or daughter for the first time because I will be able to see the love you will have for each other. I hope that as they grow we will have to remind each other of the small tender moments because I hear having teenagers can be rough. Although I was a perfect child for my parents – just ask!! So maybe that will rub off on the kids! J

I can tell you now that I am constantly working on being a better and kind person. I am working on things that will make me a better wife and mother and I hope you are doing the same.

I look forward to the day we realize that we are ready to make the big leap together! I love you!

Your Future Wife,

Taci

No sleep...

Ever had time periods in your life where you aren't able to sleep all the way through the night? That has been my life for the last month or so!

I crave for those mornings when I wake up and see the sun shining and feel completely rested.

Big thanks to my mother and sister who decided a little trip to Maryland was exactly what Erin and I needed. Mother made wonderful cinnamon rolls, cookies and other goodies! Erin for letting all of us (four additional people) cram into every nook and cranny - good times, which could also be why I haven't slept well. :)

Overall, things are much better! Thanks to my great family!!! :)

Til the next time!!

Taci

P.S. Thanks to Dad for my special gift. I Love You, even if you don't send gifts!!

Tra la la!

In talking with a friend, we were discussing the various ways we relieve the stress we encounter in our everyday lives. I already knew the answer (I find that one quite easy). Music.

Whether I am playing, singing, listening, watching or thinking about it music is not only a huge stress reliever, it is a HUGE part of my life. I remember being a little girl and taking voice lessons and warming up to: "Ma, Me, Mi, Mo, Mu" and one of the first songs I sang was, "Sing, for the Lord is Listening!"

My family has always been musical, we have all been involved in some form of music in during our lifetime. The biggest inspiration was my brother Justin, I will never forget his performances and the excitement I felt when he was up on stage singing. To me, he was a star! My dream to be in a show choir like Stagelight started with Justin and then grew bigger as I watched Matt and Kari also enjoy participating in Stagelight.

My love of music is deep and when I thought that it was over, I felt broken. But, I still have one good ear that I don't think shows any sign in loss of hearing! It has only made my appreciation for still being able to hear something so precious to me deepen.

I am learning the guitar right now, something that I have wanted to do for a long time. I feel like I am doing alright, although I have some sore fingers!

I feel blessed that I can hear harmony in my head while singing, that it is such a natural thing for me to hear. I am grateful to be in a family that has allowed my love for music to grow and parents that paid LOTS of money so I could learn piano, singing and dance. I am especially grateful now when stress is in my life that I have been taught ways to let it out...

Grandparents!

This next blog is dedicated to my grandparents - on both sides.

My dad's parents passed away right after we moved to Tridell, but there are many memories I had spending time with my Merkley Grandparents. One thing I will never forget is my Grandma Merkley's love of Spam, sardines and pig's feet. She only made me eat Spam when she cooked it for breakfast - thank heavens! I don't know what I would have done with sardines and pig's feet, I would feel sick just watching my mother purchase it at the store! :)

My Grandpa Merkley was always such a kind and quiet man to me. I remember his moustache and helping him check on the garden or feed his chickens. I also remember him playing his harmonica when I was a child and I have loved the sound of one ever since.

I found out through a reunion about 2-3 years ago that my grandmother was a prankster and also a beautiful singer. My love for my grandparents, but most importantly my grandmother grew for me when I found that out! I remember when they made a tape of just the two of them singing the "Thank you" song and other simple children's songs... I would listen to it for hours just because I loved hearing them sing.

I was always told that I looked like my dad's mother and when we moved to Tridell, I was often called "Little Esther." I didn't think that I looked anything like my grandmother until I went to college... I was at my cousin LoriAnn's house and there she had a picture of our Grandmother Esther Merkley around my same age and I immediately got goosebumps! I was staring at a picture of me - the only difference was the style of hair... I love to see that picture because each time I am surprised over how much I really do look like her. I am proud to be called "Little Esther!"

My mother's parents live in Sunset, right next to the train tracks. I grew up with them always making sure we had plenty of coloring books and crayons while visiting. I loved to visit and play the piano, I felt so accomplished when I was able to play a simplified hymn and grandma came and told me that I played beautifully. With my grandmother being a twin and having the two of them so close - I feel like I have been given two Grandma Harvey's. I remember at one of the birthday celebrations, I was really young and went up to my Grandma and asked her a question. When she leaned down to me and told me that she was Aunt Veon - I remember being really confused and she just said that it was okay and pointed Grandma out - it was really embarrassing that I couldn't even tell my own Grandmother apart! :)

I loved sitting outside in their backyard and having Grandpa Harvey name off the airplanes flying overhead - he was always right! I always love going to their house, even now, there is always some sort of food to eat and I always feel so much love. I always have to go and check to see if I have grown at all since my last visit - nope. I will then go and see all the birthday's they have placed on their huge calendar! I feel so special to see my name in September - I just love it! Also, how can I forget the beautiful quilt my grandmother made for my 16th Birthday - purple and perfect!!

I am extremely fortunate to have grandparent's who did an excellent job in raising their children, my parents! I think it is hilarious when I see my mother or father do something that I remember my grandparents doing.

To my grandparents - I thank you! I love you! I hope to be the kind of grandparents you have been to me!