Confused.....

In talking with a friend recently, our conversation turned to dating, as usual, and how hard it seems to be nowadays.  We talked about hanging out vs. single dates and how we have heard that there is pressure if a guy asks a girl out.  

I have thought this often and have talked with girls until I feel like we are having the same conversations over and over again.  I have asked guys on dates not because they were the “one” but because I wanted to get to know them better and have their attention for longer than 15 minutes.  I have also asked guys on hanging out dates because I didn’t know how a single date would go so felt like I needed the reinforcements.

I wish I could go back to the day when a guy could simply (and would actually) ask a girl on a date, simply to do something.  It wasn’t because they wanted to seriously date you, marry you, or even have a one night make out session aka NCMO…  those were fun though….  (uh, sorry Mom).    

I was thinking about how I have shown interest in guys in the past and that was terrible for me, I became more of a sugar mama then someone that they would want to date.  Great for them, not for me or my pockets.  I typically liked guys that were still in school and felt bad that I had a “real” job and they didn’t.  I didn’t want them to feel like I needed to go to fancy places, but that is exactly what I did with them.  I can honestly say that dating is not easy, but that it is something that should be practiced regularly.  This is something I think is very important to continue even after finding your future spouse and getting married!  

The last guy I dated that I felt treated me the way a girl should be treated was 14 years ago.  I would love to change that number!    

What is it now that makes dating so scary?  Why is it that I feel like there is a better chance of my meeting someone who will actually want to get to know me in a virtual world than in the real world?  There are plenty of men around me that I find attractive and that I would like to have the opportunity to get to know better, but they only seem to flock around five girls in my church.  What is it about them??  

I sometimes blame my being older and more cynical, but then I realize everyone has their faults.  I try hard to look past those of others, so why can’t they look past mine?  I haven’t been asked out on a date in almost a year and I felt that was more of a pity date than anything else, which still was fun for me. 

 

Also, I have that girl that was asked on a date and things went well, at least I thought, continued to see the person after and do things together.  Embarrassingly enough, I will admit I thought that was the beginning of a relationship and when I was informed that I was wrong, they couldn’t understand why I would feel that way.  Completely making me feel like an idiot and kind of hurt for being confused on the situation between us. 

So, what is it about dating these days that makes it hard for guys to realize that sometimes a girl just wants a date and not a relationship??  Or that there needs to be clarification - that if you go out just the two of you, multiple times a week/month, exactly what his/her intentions are in the relationship. 

Someone please explain this to me…  because I am totally confused…. 

A Thousand Years...

 

A Thousand Years

I have heard this song a few times on the radio and loved it.  It also plays in the last Twilight movie and the placement was perfect - way to go Music Director!! 

I was talking with my sister very, very early on a Saturday morning - she woke me up!!  We talked about where I was in my life and where she was and talked about why she was envious of my life and I spoke to her about what I loved about her life.  I was hoping that if I just wished enough our wishes would come true...

She then told me that as much as she loved the freedom of being single, she couldn't give up her family, especially her husband. 

I have talked about dating a lot lately with friends, family, co-workers - - At least that is what it seems like to me.  I have also posted about dating:  Emerging Adulthood, Letter, Smack down... 

But the one thing my sister said to me hit me to the core and I haven't forgotten it since.  It was simply that she recognized how hard it is to be dating right now and how of all the girls in my family, I was the strongest one to deal with this.  I was surprised - not for the recognition (although that was very much appreciated) but that she said I was the strongest sister. 

I never felt that way, EVER!  I cry, pout, torture myself by watching sappy love movies (dang that Nicholas Sparks!!), and carried on alone. 

Those few words have really given me a different perspective...  Thank you sis!

Museum? No, I went to the NEWSeum!

So, I attended a members only Open Vault night at the Newseum. It was so much fun! I wish that I would have taken my camera because some of the displays were amazing and hilarious!

The event welcomed the new CEO of the museum and it was a fond farewell to the old. They had cheese and dessert bars and quite a few people! Of the museum only three (3) levels where open but the set up of the actual museum allows you to see a tad bit above and below you.

I saw a moose character head that was used in an SNL skit. I saw a DOW Jones scroll from the day that President Kennedy was shot. It was pretty neat to see part of the Berlin wall that is on display there as well although I couldn't actually stand in front of it (it was below us).

My favorite part of the night was viewing the Pulitzer Prize photograph gallery. The story behind how the image was captured by the photographer was just as amazing as the image itself. Some of the pictures brought tears to my eyes and others feelings of an overwhelming sense of gratitude for where I live and what I have.

After checking things out my friend and I decided it was time to grab a bite to eat. He had been wanting to try out this Mexican place up the street a little bit and I was all game! Little did I know what an interesting place it would turn out to be!

On the menu they had fried pork belly, grasshoppers, tongue, sushi and other delightful choices. We ended up trying a stuffed pepper, fried pork belly, tongue and a delicious mushroom taco! I am sooo tempted to get the grasshoppers - but I ended up chickening out at the last minute! OH well - there is always a next time, maybe when the parents come for a visit... he he he....

It was a fantastic night and I can't wait to go back to the Newseum to check out the other exhibits!

Emerging Adulthood

I'm still "Holding out for a Hero"

Tonight our lesson for Family Home Evening (FHE) was quite interesting. It was on being in the phase of single and the differences that there are from today's singles to a couple of decades ago. But even more specific to being a Latter Day Saint single to those outside of our religion/culture.

We had a guest who was a practicing therapist working on her doctorate degree on this very subject. I was intrigued....

She spoke of those that had a life plan figured out when they were younger of being married, gaining an education, raising a family, etc. Growing up, I had a life plan of being single for a few years and then getting married around 23-25ish and living happily ever after. Funny thing was it didn't happen...

She spoke of how being single was viewed as being able to be spontaneous and could travel the world with a moments notice, being independent. Whereas being married was viewed as having stability and interdependency. She then spoke of how she found that young women in this phase (ages 19-29) wouldn't plan for a stable lifestyle as they expected to start that when they were married. And it was an opposite response from the men in that same phase. So, I was quickly reviewing my own response to this and found that although I don't agree with most women, I have found myself holding back on certain purchases with that in back of my mind. Luckily, I have started to change that, especially recently, and starting to make purchases and live in a way that I have always wanted to and can.

She brought up the topic of who was responsible for still being single... Is it the men or the women? I have found that both parties are guilty of this. She spoke of the fear guys have of asking a girl out - and honestly I almost rolled my eyes. I have asked a guy out, been rejected, and moved on. It is one of those - if I can do it, so can you! If you are scared to death to ask her out in the first place, how do you expect a relationship to happen!? Take that first step - if you are confident in yourself - she will see that and appreciate it! If she says no, don't be afraid to try again - sometimes it really is a scheduling conflict!!

Although I have found that I am in the minority with this but - I find NO problem with a girl asking a guy on a date. If a guy has a hard time with that then I simply won't ask him... Ha! Because I feel like a relationship is mutual and that includes the asking.

So, it made me reflect on how I am feeling still being single and almost the big 30! *gasp*

And this is what I discovered. It's okay that I am still single. Do I sometimes feel frustrated - - - yes. But I am trying to get out there more and just be okay with being where I am and who I am. Eventually, there is going to be someone that will like what they see too. :)

That's right, I am talking...

Hello readers (or should I just say family?)...

I have been talking with everyone I know and it seems that this subject comes up quite frequently because, well, I am still single. **GASP!!** I know - how could someone as awesome as myself still be single? That is what my mother tells me and there is always a little truth in what she says, right?

So, I am going to dedicate this next post to dating! Yup, gonna do it! Here goes:

After having a ton of late night conversations with friends and roommates I have made the following decision. Dating is an interesting sport. Yes, I consider dating to fall in the "sport" category. Everyone cheers when you score a date, relationship, marriage.... Everyone will help place the blame on the other team or ref when things just don't work out and you lose.

Dating = Basketball. You are on the defense or offense at various stages of the game. You are part of a team that offers support and blocks those wanting to steal your ball/courage from reaching the basket/date.

So listen up team! Here are guidelines before you hit the court!

~ Don't be afraid to make the first move by simply asking someone on a date - that goes for boys or girls! Girls, we live in a new age!
~ Be open and honest in your communication of how you feel things are going. It makes it easier for both parties further down the road!
~ Just because a guy/girl asks you out - DON'T JUMP TO MARRIAGE! RELAX!!! Enjoy a night where you aren't home watching television (that's why we have hulu) and get to know the person. If it leads to a second, third, or even a fourth - still doesn't mean marriage just that you are enjoying the companionship.
~ Stop the group hanging out! If you like someone, don't have a party or movie night with a bunch of people, CALL.
~ Dates don't have to be expensive! If you need ideas - please ask!

Well, I can go on and on! Don't worry, I will spare you. Everyone is different - i.e. I am girl who would rather just be told up front that there isn't an interest rather than losing that friendship. Other girls like the nonverbal communication, I just couldn't ever catch on. I know, I know... silly Taci!

It takes a lot of courage to ask someone on a date, I have done it! Just remember sometimes things don't work out with the person you thought it would. BUT!!! I've never believed in there only being "THE ONE"... With so many good people out there, I don't think that there is ever just one.

Good luck! GO - FIGHT - DATE!!!