My Middle Ground...

It’s been a while since I’ve updated my blog.  Work has been hard, but that isn’t what I want to focus on.  This week more than any other I’ve been thinking about what I need to do to shift my focus from temporary happiness to everlasting. 

I was talking with a friend yesterday about something said at church and how it made me feel like I was less of a person.  You know what he said - why do you care!?  Not going to lie, his frankness is sometimes just as frustrating to me as the initial problem I was "presenting" for discussion.  So, I asked myself that after dropping him off, why did I care?  Turns out the answer was a simple one, I don't want to look like I am a mean person.  Might sound silly to some, but it is a genuine fear of mine.  I don't ever want to give someone the impression that what they think or feel does not matter in the grand scheme of things because everyone matters.  I know how that feels, I know how it is when you are screaming your head off and no one really cares.  I don't want to think of others feeling that way because of me or my actions. 

I’ve been there, that moment when you feel like everything is going your way – you can’t believe you could be that happy!  I’ve also been there when it comes crashing down around you and you want to sleep away the hurt, anger and frustration.  Between those two phases is the middle ground – I like to think of it as the “I’m okay” ground.  This between phases is what I am trying to find right now, a place where I am content even though things aren’t perfect, a place where I’m okay.  For a long time I thought that the being okay meant that I was giving up on things ever getting better.  I realize now that it was the time in my life where I learned about hope and about becoming more humble.  I hoped for things to get better and they usually would, but it wasn’t in the timeline I outlined for myself.  No one likes to learn humility the hard way - except me.  Apparently, I'm going for the gold medal! 

 

As many of us see throughout life, lessons learned often need to be relearned…  That is where I see myself now, in the relearning my middle ground and that’s okay by me because that means that things will get better.

Some people just make a difference…

The other day I read a post my aunt wrote on Facebook about needing to see blogs updated!  So, I knew that I had to start working on and actually finishing the posts I started a while ago.  But then something else came to mind – my aunt. 

I thought more and more about the impact her and her family made on my life and it is just amazing! 

Growing up, Aunt Pam was literally a second mother to me.  She lived in the house behind my parents and I am pretty sure I spent a lot of time over there, even if she really wanted me to go home.  She was also great at giving me motherly guilt trips and making me apologize to her son Cody when I hit him with the shovel for making me angry.  Still don’t know if I agree with my being the one to apologize for that or not!!  Just kidding……..  almost…… ha ha!   J

Aunt Pam was there for all of the milestones I have reached so far in my life:  birth, baptism, graduation, receiving my endowments (she was my escort), hitting the big 30 – well, actually hitting 29 forever.  Did you know we are the same age now??  It is awesome! 

Thanks for wanting to be a part of my family.  I talk with friends who aren’t fortunate enough to have the relationship my siblings and I have with our aunt.  That makes me sad, because I have learned so much from her over the years! 

I’ll never forget how lucky I was when I went to the hospital and she and Uncle Ken were here to help Erin transition back to work after her first was born and I ended up needing the most help.  I felt terrible that happened, but so grateful that while my mother was trying to get there, I had her! 

She has been there to help my mother through the tough times she has had with me either being stubborn or too emotional (I get that from my dad), or when sad things surface that she needs help dealing with them.  For that I am very grateful!

 

Also, thanks again for making such an awesome birthday cake!!  I don’t know if I will marry before you retire your wedding cake gift – but at least I got one without having to drag a man to the altar!!  Shows that I just might be your favorite niece, right!?!?

I know that if a major disaster hits I am supposed to make my way to Aunt Pam’s house no matter where I happen to be living.  Why?  Well, because between her and Uncle Ken, they have enough food storage to feed the entire state of Utah.  Then there is the fact that she also has toilet seats for 5-gallon buckets – should that need ever arise I would be one happy survivor if I had those! 

Aunt Pam, thank you!  Thanks for being such a great second mom.  For telling me when I was in the wrong but also for sharing in the joy when I did things right.  Thanks for making me a better niece and daughter.  Thanks for being a great sister to my mother – the Lord knew what he was doing when he put you two together! 

 

 

Smile!

I LOVE to smile and I LOVE to laugh! Both of which I haven't been doing enough of lately... These are examples of things that brought a smile or a laugh to me over the last little couple of weeks.

1) Getting a text in the wee hours of the morning wishing me a great day at work!
2) Having a stranger hold open the door.
3) Coming home and finding that the dishes are done and put away.
4) Receiving a call from a sibling who just wants to talk.
5) Getting a funny and unexpected letter in the mail.
6) Having my residents comment on my beautiful skin (ha ha!).
7) Blushing when my crush looks my way...
8) Friends that I can call upon when help is needed no matter how late.
9) Crisp Fall air when I walk outside.
10) Getting a new calculator! :)
11) Pinata!
12) Seeing hours of hard work pay off.
13) Smiles from a little niece as she recognizes me.
14) Hymns.
15) Pictures that really are worth more than a thousand words
16) Vanilla ice cream cone covered with the cherry dip/sprinkles!
17) Being told that I have the most beautiful eyes.
18) Watching a guy trip on the curb - laughing because I've done the exact same thing!

There are so many more I can name but these are at the top! Share the love! Bring out a smile!