Posting from under my rock

Ugh!  Today, I literally had to leave church because I am pretty sure I became the person that people talk about when they reflect on crazies in the ward.  I was responding to a simple question in church and my brain froze, my emotions surfaced and it was a train wreck!

I won't go into any further explanations, but I really wish I could erase that entire class period.  Or have a little Men in Black flasher that would make people forget what they heard and saw.  It was embarrassing!

So, I plan on staying under my rock for a while.    

Confused.....

In talking with a friend recently, our conversation turned to dating, as usual, and how hard it seems to be nowadays.  We talked about hanging out vs. single dates and how we have heard that there is pressure if a guy asks a girl out.  

I have thought this often and have talked with girls until I feel like we are having the same conversations over and over again.  I have asked guys on dates not because they were the “one” but because I wanted to get to know them better and have their attention for longer than 15 minutes.  I have also asked guys on hanging out dates because I didn’t know how a single date would go so felt like I needed the reinforcements.

I wish I could go back to the day when a guy could simply (and would actually) ask a girl on a date, simply to do something.  It wasn’t because they wanted to seriously date you, marry you, or even have a one night make out session aka NCMO…  those were fun though….  (uh, sorry Mom).    

I was thinking about how I have shown interest in guys in the past and that was terrible for me, I became more of a sugar mama then someone that they would want to date.  Great for them, not for me or my pockets.  I typically liked guys that were still in school and felt bad that I had a “real” job and they didn’t.  I didn’t want them to feel like I needed to go to fancy places, but that is exactly what I did with them.  I can honestly say that dating is not easy, but that it is something that should be practiced regularly.  This is something I think is very important to continue even after finding your future spouse and getting married!  

The last guy I dated that I felt treated me the way a girl should be treated was 14 years ago.  I would love to change that number!    

What is it now that makes dating so scary?  Why is it that I feel like there is a better chance of my meeting someone who will actually want to get to know me in a virtual world than in the real world?  There are plenty of men around me that I find attractive and that I would like to have the opportunity to get to know better, but they only seem to flock around five girls in my church.  What is it about them??  

I sometimes blame my being older and more cynical, but then I realize everyone has their faults.  I try hard to look past those of others, so why can’t they look past mine?  I haven’t been asked out on a date in almost a year and I felt that was more of a pity date than anything else, which still was fun for me. 

 

Also, I have that girl that was asked on a date and things went well, at least I thought, continued to see the person after and do things together.  Embarrassingly enough, I will admit I thought that was the beginning of a relationship and when I was informed that I was wrong, they couldn’t understand why I would feel that way.  Completely making me feel like an idiot and kind of hurt for being confused on the situation between us. 

So, what is it about dating these days that makes it hard for guys to realize that sometimes a girl just wants a date and not a relationship??  Or that there needs to be clarification - that if you go out just the two of you, multiple times a week/month, exactly what his/her intentions are in the relationship. 

Someone please explain this to me…  because I am totally confused…. 

Some people just make a difference…

The other day I read a post my aunt wrote on Facebook about needing to see blogs updated!  So, I knew that I had to start working on and actually finishing the posts I started a while ago.  But then something else came to mind – my aunt. 

I thought more and more about the impact her and her family made on my life and it is just amazing! 

Growing up, Aunt Pam was literally a second mother to me.  She lived in the house behind my parents and I am pretty sure I spent a lot of time over there, even if she really wanted me to go home.  She was also great at giving me motherly guilt trips and making me apologize to her son Cody when I hit him with the shovel for making me angry.  Still don’t know if I agree with my being the one to apologize for that or not!!  Just kidding……..  almost…… ha ha!   J

Aunt Pam was there for all of the milestones I have reached so far in my life:  birth, baptism, graduation, receiving my endowments (she was my escort), hitting the big 30 – well, actually hitting 29 forever.  Did you know we are the same age now??  It is awesome! 

Thanks for wanting to be a part of my family.  I talk with friends who aren’t fortunate enough to have the relationship my siblings and I have with our aunt.  That makes me sad, because I have learned so much from her over the years! 

I’ll never forget how lucky I was when I went to the hospital and she and Uncle Ken were here to help Erin transition back to work after her first was born and I ended up needing the most help.  I felt terrible that happened, but so grateful that while my mother was trying to get there, I had her! 

She has been there to help my mother through the tough times she has had with me either being stubborn or too emotional (I get that from my dad), or when sad things surface that she needs help dealing with them.  For that I am very grateful!

 

Also, thanks again for making such an awesome birthday cake!!  I don’t know if I will marry before you retire your wedding cake gift – but at least I got one without having to drag a man to the altar!!  Shows that I just might be your favorite niece, right!?!?

I know that if a major disaster hits I am supposed to make my way to Aunt Pam’s house no matter where I happen to be living.  Why?  Well, because between her and Uncle Ken, they have enough food storage to feed the entire state of Utah.  Then there is the fact that she also has toilet seats for 5-gallon buckets – should that need ever arise I would be one happy survivor if I had those! 

Aunt Pam, thank you!  Thanks for being such a great second mom.  For telling me when I was in the wrong but also for sharing in the joy when I did things right.  Thanks for making me a better niece and daughter.  Thanks for being a great sister to my mother – the Lord knew what he was doing when he put you two together! 

 

 

Boston Marathon

For almost a week now, I have tried to handle my emotions and figure out how I wanted to explain what I experienced.  My friends are awesome writers and you can read their experiences here:  Andy's Experience and Rachel's Experience.  Rachel even wrote this song that is very touching and beautiful, "Be Strong."

I got up at 5ish on Monday morning to wish Lindy good luck on her run and to finalize when we were going to see her to cheer her on.  I was so excited and a little teary-eyed because I know how big this race is and I was so proud.  I climbed back on the couch and fell back asleep. 

I woke up later to get ready and also make Lindy's signs.  Rachel, her roommate Chelsee, her friend Jacob, Andy and myself made the trek to the halfway point to cheer Lindy on!  On the drive over I could see a section of road above the freeway where the runners crossed - it was so beautiful I teared up a little bit. 

I was shocked to see how the entire town shut down and cheered as the runners went by - kids, families, friends, stores completely shut down and cheered.  Some runners had their names on their shirts, legs or arms and I cheered for everyone that I could by name!  I hoped that if someone saw Lindy's name on her leg that they would cheer her on for me and all of her friends both in Boston and back at home.  Sadly, even though we received the text saying Lindy had passed the halfway mark, we missed her in the sea of runners.  I was so sad that I wasn't able to personally cheer her on at that point and told myself that I wasn't going to miss her passing the finish line.

Rachel expertly and very quickly drove back to her apartment where we jumped on the T and headed to the finish line.  Once we got off at our stop it pretty much felt like we were cattle.  I quickly lost sight of everyone and joked with the guy in front of me about how "close" we were getting.  I apologized for constantly being pushed into him and he joked about how we were now practically family.  It was funny and helped lighten my panic as I kept thinking in my mind that if anything were to happen I was scared of being trampled.  Little did I know that those fears would become real. 

We got the text message that Lindy passed the finish line, so again we missed her as we were swimming against people trying to make our way down.  We decided to cut down this little alley shortly before the finish line to see if we could meet Lindy at the family meet up area.  I was hoping to go back there as I wanted to see the runners cross over and give a cheer for them since I missed Lindy's big finale! 

We met up with Lindy, she found us actually when we held up her signs to see if that would help her find us, which worked!  :) 

The look on Geno's face when he saw Lindy was priceless!  He was so proud and you could tell!  It made me cry.  And it was around that moment that I remember hearing the first bomb go off.  Honestly, I immediately thought it was a bomb but then knowing that I always jump to the worst in a situation, my next thought was that the scaffolding above the finish line fell which really wasn't any better.  A few seconds later I heard the second bomb and knew that something was seriously wrong.  People were trying to figure it out in our group - construction?  low flying plane?  I entertained those thoughts because I wanted to believe it was that, but knew something was terribly wrong and it was all I could do to stand there and listen.  I wanted to run, and I am not a runner, but I wanted to get out of that area as soon as possible.  We started slowly walking further away from the area as sirens, police, people started yelling and then it was confirmed that there was an explosion at the finish line. 

I went into shock then... 

I heard people around me talking and telling me what to do, but I don't remember if I responded.  All I thought of is how we needed to leave the area and get those I loved away from the danger.  Because I didn't know if this was going to stop or more bombs were going to go off...  and I couldn't let anyone hurt my friends or family because if I wasn't killed in a blast that killed anyone of our group, I wouldn't be okay.

Rachel's roommate Chelsee was a godsend, she knew the transportation system well and got us out of the area as quickly as she could.  I couldn't get calls to go out but was getting text messages here and there so I sent Erin a text to call mom and tell her we were all okay,  We did end up walking the last mile and I only remember crying a couple of times.  Not wanting my friends to see that I was in shock, because I didn't want them to worry about me or think of me as weak I kept quiet.  I was grateful that we made a new friend, Andrew, who had just moved to Boston and needed help navigating the town as he and Lindy had very similar interests and they talked nonstop.  I was glad because I am pretty sure I would have lost it if she started trying to talk with me.

We finally made it to Rachel's and Andy started pulling up the news reports to see what happened.  It was confirmed that there were two bombs and a possible third at the library.  I didn't know where that was in relation to the house, but to me it felt like it was next door.  I was finally able to get a call to my mom and spent the next few minutes not even being able to breathe because I was crying to hard.  I was scared, people had died, at that point they didn't know who did this and if there were more bombs. 

Lindy, Andy and I flew home the next day - the airport was full of runners, supporters trying to make their way home and also security.  We boarded our flight and while we were waiting to taxi to the runway, there were sirens and firetrucks going by.  The pilot got on and started to explain the situation and I felt myself going into shock again.  There was an unexplained fire on an airplane and all I could think about was that the terrorist got past airport security and no place was safe. 

I came back to DC and found that I couldn't sleep - sirens, garbage trucks, really anything would set off a wave of panic attacks and I didn't feel safe.  I went to Erin's house and they welcomed me and it is easy to relax with kids there to occupy your mind.  I also watched with them as we found out who set off the bombs and watched as the final individual was in custody. 

That night I cried again when everyone had gone to bed, I cried in gratitude for how quickly these two were caught.  I cried because he is so young and I want to know why they would do that.  I cried because people are right it was scary, but Boston and our nation are strong.  We rallied and helped in every way we could...  and I cried because I am so grateful to be a part of a nation like this. 

I found out that I will heal, it will take time, but I will be able to hear sirens again and not feel my pulse race, break out in a sweat and continue to breathe.  Because I, like Boston, choose to be strong.  

Boston cont.

Saturday and Sunday were days spent learning about the earlier years of America.  I learned things that made me extremely happy that I was born now and not back then...

Did you know that the grave yards were so full of bodies that if there was a heavy rain then sometimes the body parts would be exposed...  ick!

Sunday was interesting as I went to church with Rachel...  Oh my gosh...  Boston has some very interesting people.  You can read about Saturday and Sunday on Andy's blog - he is a much better writer than I am....   http://andyswildblog.blogspot.com/2013/04/saturday-with-all-those-bostononians.html.  Ignore the comment Andy makes about how I pronounce Bostonian - I think he has something wrong with his hearing!  ;)

I would post a lot of pictures, but all I had was my phone that died after I would check the time.  So, I will work on gathering the fun shots and post them soon.

Boston

The time had finally arrived, Andy and I were headed to Boston to see my friend Lindy run in the Boston Marathon!  I was so excited because I was able to spend time with two really good friends that I hadn't seen in a very, very long time!

Rachel picked Lindy, Andy and I all at the airport and upon driving around, I started really liking the crazy roads and funky buildings.  It was a pretty chilly day but Rachel suggested brunch and so off we went to the 80's diner called The Breakfast Club.  It was so much fun, the food was delish and I was even more excited to see what Boston would show us.  While waiting for Lindy's trainer Geno and his wife Kathy, I took a quick nap and then was ready to go exploring!

We grabbed lunch with Geno and Kathy and then split up as they were headed to the Runner's Expo and we headed to the Boston Museum of Fine Arts.  I was soooo excited when I found out that they had Monet's Water Lilies!  One of my favs!  The whole museum was absolutely gorgeous and I just wanted to spend hours there walking the hallways and soaking in the art.  But after having a very eye-opening experience with a, uh, certain Buddha statue (I blame Rachel)...  we decided to head over to a college writing reading and then off to the original club that housed the Blue Man Group.

Rachel and I even performed the song, "All That Jazz" from Chicago.  It was a ton of fun!  Also, I will never, ever forget this older man's rendition of "America"  I was seriously scared that the floor was going to break from his jumping around!  :)

 It was the perfect way to end Boston day ONE! 

Ode to Soda

Filling my cup at The Grub Box with every kind of soda available. 

Turning old enough that my mother didn't glare at me when I grab a Dr. Pepper from the cooler, although it never really stopped me.

Long nights at school or in the office and having soda keep me awake. 

Cutting meat with my dad and he would always get both of us the biggest bottle of Pepsi (1 liter) and it would almost last the entire time.  Even stayed cold!! 

Working in Logan and finding my co-workers drank Diet Coke and I thought they were spawn of Satan.  (We are a Pepsi family!  Except Scott, he has a pass.)

Being forced to drink Diet Coke at work because they didn't have Pepsi machines - then realizing the flavor was growing on me... 

Love at first taste with Mountain Dew - a very short fling.

Learning that warm Pepsi was still as good as chilled Pepsi!

My friend, Chelsea, would pick up a diet coke from Sonic for me on her way to work (a true friend).

Picking a restaurant based solely on if they had good diet coke or not.

Breaking up with a boy and soda was always there for me to drown my sorrows in.  ;)

Scorcher outside and I popped a top to save the day. 

Days like this - saved!

But those days are no more...

I gave up soda over a month ago and so far have been doing pretty well!  My stomach is very grateful for this change as well...  But I just wanted to say I wouldn't be where I am today if it weren't for the help of some deliciously, refreshing drinks I met along the way.

Thank you Pepsi, Diet Coke, Coke, Dr. Pepper, Cherry Pepsi, Diet Coke with Lime and all the others that are countless to name!!  I will never forget the times we shared together and the joy you brought to my life!!  :)