Boston Marathon

For almost a week now, I have tried to handle my emotions and figure out how I wanted to explain what I experienced.  My friends are awesome writers and you can read their experiences here:  Andy's Experience and Rachel's Experience.  Rachel even wrote this song that is very touching and beautiful, "Be Strong."

I got up at 5ish on Monday morning to wish Lindy good luck on her run and to finalize when we were going to see her to cheer her on.  I was so excited and a little teary-eyed because I know how big this race is and I was so proud.  I climbed back on the couch and fell back asleep. 

I woke up later to get ready and also make Lindy's signs.  Rachel, her roommate Chelsee, her friend Jacob, Andy and myself made the trek to the halfway point to cheer Lindy on!  On the drive over I could see a section of road above the freeway where the runners crossed - it was so beautiful I teared up a little bit. 

I was shocked to see how the entire town shut down and cheered as the runners went by - kids, families, friends, stores completely shut down and cheered.  Some runners had their names on their shirts, legs or arms and I cheered for everyone that I could by name!  I hoped that if someone saw Lindy's name on her leg that they would cheer her on for me and all of her friends both in Boston and back at home.  Sadly, even though we received the text saying Lindy had passed the halfway mark, we missed her in the sea of runners.  I was so sad that I wasn't able to personally cheer her on at that point and told myself that I wasn't going to miss her passing the finish line.

Rachel expertly and very quickly drove back to her apartment where we jumped on the T and headed to the finish line.  Once we got off at our stop it pretty much felt like we were cattle.  I quickly lost sight of everyone and joked with the guy in front of me about how "close" we were getting.  I apologized for constantly being pushed into him and he joked about how we were now practically family.  It was funny and helped lighten my panic as I kept thinking in my mind that if anything were to happen I was scared of being trampled.  Little did I know that those fears would become real. 

We got the text message that Lindy passed the finish line, so again we missed her as we were swimming against people trying to make our way down.  We decided to cut down this little alley shortly before the finish line to see if we could meet Lindy at the family meet up area.  I was hoping to go back there as I wanted to see the runners cross over and give a cheer for them since I missed Lindy's big finale! 

We met up with Lindy, she found us actually when we held up her signs to see if that would help her find us, which worked!  :) 

The look on Geno's face when he saw Lindy was priceless!  He was so proud and you could tell!  It made me cry.  And it was around that moment that I remember hearing the first bomb go off.  Honestly, I immediately thought it was a bomb but then knowing that I always jump to the worst in a situation, my next thought was that the scaffolding above the finish line fell which really wasn't any better.  A few seconds later I heard the second bomb and knew that something was seriously wrong.  People were trying to figure it out in our group - construction?  low flying plane?  I entertained those thoughts because I wanted to believe it was that, but knew something was terribly wrong and it was all I could do to stand there and listen.  I wanted to run, and I am not a runner, but I wanted to get out of that area as soon as possible.  We started slowly walking further away from the area as sirens, police, people started yelling and then it was confirmed that there was an explosion at the finish line. 

I went into shock then... 

I heard people around me talking and telling me what to do, but I don't remember if I responded.  All I thought of is how we needed to leave the area and get those I loved away from the danger.  Because I didn't know if this was going to stop or more bombs were going to go off...  and I couldn't let anyone hurt my friends or family because if I wasn't killed in a blast that killed anyone of our group, I wouldn't be okay.

Rachel's roommate Chelsee was a godsend, she knew the transportation system well and got us out of the area as quickly as she could.  I couldn't get calls to go out but was getting text messages here and there so I sent Erin a text to call mom and tell her we were all okay,  We did end up walking the last mile and I only remember crying a couple of times.  Not wanting my friends to see that I was in shock, because I didn't want them to worry about me or think of me as weak I kept quiet.  I was grateful that we made a new friend, Andrew, who had just moved to Boston and needed help navigating the town as he and Lindy had very similar interests and they talked nonstop.  I was glad because I am pretty sure I would have lost it if she started trying to talk with me.

We finally made it to Rachel's and Andy started pulling up the news reports to see what happened.  It was confirmed that there were two bombs and a possible third at the library.  I didn't know where that was in relation to the house, but to me it felt like it was next door.  I was finally able to get a call to my mom and spent the next few minutes not even being able to breathe because I was crying to hard.  I was scared, people had died, at that point they didn't know who did this and if there were more bombs. 

Lindy, Andy and I flew home the next day - the airport was full of runners, supporters trying to make their way home and also security.  We boarded our flight and while we were waiting to taxi to the runway, there were sirens and firetrucks going by.  The pilot got on and started to explain the situation and I felt myself going into shock again.  There was an unexplained fire on an airplane and all I could think about was that the terrorist got past airport security and no place was safe. 

I came back to DC and found that I couldn't sleep - sirens, garbage trucks, really anything would set off a wave of panic attacks and I didn't feel safe.  I went to Erin's house and they welcomed me and it is easy to relax with kids there to occupy your mind.  I also watched with them as we found out who set off the bombs and watched as the final individual was in custody. 

That night I cried again when everyone had gone to bed, I cried in gratitude for how quickly these two were caught.  I cried because he is so young and I want to know why they would do that.  I cried because people are right it was scary, but Boston and our nation are strong.  We rallied and helped in every way we could...  and I cried because I am so grateful to be a part of a nation like this. 

I found out that I will heal, it will take time, but I will be able to hear sirens again and not feel my pulse race, break out in a sweat and continue to breathe.  Because I, like Boston, choose to be strong.  

Don’t Forget to Brush!

Growing up I hated the family dentist… Actually, I don’t think that hate is a strong enough word in this scenario – I abominated the dentist!!!

He had an identical twin brother and I never knew which one I was going to see, not that it really mattered because they looked exactly the same! The only difference was one would talk to me about wanting to set me up with his son who was my age – I was like 8-9!? Seriously, who wanted to be set-up at that age anyway!

Random note: Okay, so maybe he knew me a little bit better than the other one… I was in kindergarten when I had my first “boyfriend’ and never thought that boys had cooties. Also, had I seen a picture of his son I would have immediately jumped at the chance! I met his son a few years later when my family moved and I transferred schools… He was a hottie!

Let’s see…. Where was I? Oh yes… The dentist!

My mother would force me into the car for a trip to Vernal and I dreaded every passing mile that brought me closer to their office. As soon as the door was opened, you would smell laughing gas. To this day, I can still smell it… Ick!

He would check things out and then if there was work to be done he would put on the gas. I hated that stuff – really hated it! He would always ask if I wanted it and I would always say NO! His reply was always that kids loved this stuff and I should just let him give it to me anyway… It really didn’t matter what I thought or said he would put the mask on anyway! Then for the next what felt like hours I would be breathing this nasty gas that made me feel like I was leaving my body behind – I never felt like laughing, I felt like crying! It was awful!!!

Fast Forward to college….

I went to my cousin’s husband who was a dentist in the area and he checked things out and I had to have a cavity filled. He proceeded to give me a shot and while the needle was in my mouth I felt a crazy shock go from my mouth to my head. I could literally trace its path with my finger. I jumped and he asked if I felt a shock, I told him yes. He asked that I trace it with my finger and when I did he left. He came back with another dentist and had me trace the path again – at this point I was SUPER nervous! I thought that I was going to have a blood clot and it would follow that path to my brain and I would be dead within the hour. I never understood what exactly happened that day – all I know is that literally half of my entire head was numb. There was a definite line on the left side starting at the top of my head all the way down my neck that was completely numb! I never went back!
Fast forward to today almost 10 years later…
Went to the dentist for the first time after having paid for dental insurance for the past four years. I tried, made appointments, couldn’t get my hands to let go of my steering wheel when I needed to go inside. But, I am almost 30! I am suppose to be a big girl and be able to go to the dentist by myself.
So, I made an appointment and actually went inside! I told myself that I would buy a new outfit complete with shoes if I would just go! Rewards really work for me! ;)
Three dentists and about six months later – I am starting to see a light at the end of the tunnel. I have experienced infections, abscessed teeth, root canals, crowns, bridges – and sadly I am not even done.
If I could go back right now and change anything – I would definitely have changed my dental hygiene habit to make it even better. I always brushed, but am terrible with flossing! Well, that has changed….
For the next little while I will be nursing not only my mouth, but also my pocketbook back to health… Good grief dental work is expensive!!!

Scared for my life!!!

Sweat dripped down my face as fear paralyzed my entire body from escaping. I could feel its many eyes watching the pulse in my neck and it thirsted for my blood! I couldn't scream! No sound was escaping my throat, it felt like my mouth was as dry as the hot desert. I could hear the cars and others outside my window, but no one realized the danger of the situation I was in. It was all up to me! Quick as lightening I flew out of my bed, grabbed a shoe, and searched for the predaceous vermin that thought I would give in!

It was at that time, I looked down and realized that I wasn't wearing the pajamas I had on a second ago. In fact, my bedspread was different from the one I just ripped off the bed from my flight. And most mysterious was the fact that my room a little bit messier than I remembered... Then it hit me!

I had a NIGHTMARE! A nightmare so real, I still had the urge to run for my life once I was awake. I hate that!! So, I climbed over the clothes on my bed (don't worry they are clean, sorta), scanned the walls for anything creepy or crawly, checked the time - 2:46 AM... Grumbled and fell back asleep!