Vulnerable

The other day I went to lunch with a friend. We had the normal little chitchat that one experiences during a normal day-to-day interaction. Which was nice!

We had talked about a previous fireside that we both attended the night before and I mentioned that someone had made a statement I didn’t quite agree with. I then proceeded to do one of the hardest things… I opened up. I made myself a little bit more vulnerable to another person. I am sure that my face was bright red during the entire time I shared my view point and expressed what I felt – because my face likes to show when I am embarrassed. I am also positive that I stammered and struggled to find words to explain what I was trying to say.

Then there was the extremely LONG pause to see how the person is going to react to what you just said. My heart was pounding in my throat and I am pretty sure that my palms were clammy! I am not the kind of person that opens up easily to others (which has been a problem in the past), but I am learning. The friend didn’t stand up and decide to leave because of what I said and they didn’t laugh or tell me that I was lying. Which was a major fear of mine. Instead my friend looked at me…

and I felt accepted.

Top of the World - -

That's right - I am on Top of the World...

These past few weeks have been amazing! I totally rocked MBL last month and now have my family shaking in their boots...

Bootcamp is sadly over for me so maintaining what I have gained is going to be completely on me! I am a little nervous, but I learned some awesome moves that I can do in the comfort of my freezing basement room.

In other aspects of my life, I started watching a series that a friend let me borrow. I found myself within the first few minutes covering my head with my blanket!! By the end, I was on the other side of my bed half on and half off! I am nervous to watch the other episodes because the first one really had my skin crawling!!

I have a terrible habit of getting sucked into movies and then I forget that I shouldn't stand up or yell when something is going on because it is pointless. The other night I was watching a scary movie and at one point realized I stood up because I was nervous, so instead of looking like a complete idiot in front of a friend (which I probably did anyway, ha!) I went to the bathroom to "look for something."

In order to work on not getting so worked up in the movie that means that I have to watch more, right?

"On a scale of One to Ten.....

You are a three." Ouch!

Those are some of the most painful words I have ever had someone say to me. And this someone happened to be my "boyfriend" at the time.

Coming from a family of six girls, I always felt like I was the bottom of the totem pole in beauty. My sister's are beautiful, their make-up is always perfect, and the boys literally ran after them! So, having someone say that to me was just twisting the dagger deeper into my already bleeding heart.

But in talking with Erin and Drew, they asked me to look at myself and see if I was happy with being me. I have thought LONG and HARD about that and have arrived at the following solution.

I like me. I like that I have a background of growing up in Tridell, family of 10 kids, some musical talent. I found that I have a sense of humor, it came much later in life, but it is here. I am smart, yes I am still working on a piece of paper to prove it, but I have a knack for numbers. I have a kind heart, I don't like seeing people excluded or not see their full potential.

So, I do like me. I see things in myself that put me above a "three" - maybe not in the beauty category, but in the inner beauty. Really in the end, I know that there is someone out there that will see me the way I have always wanted to be seen on the outside. If not here and now, then that's okay. For now, I am good just the way I am.

4th of July

I love holidays!! I love this one because it is a day to celebrate life in the U-S-A!!!

I got up early-ish, and went into work to say hello to some of my favorite people! I then went to the Institute and met up with ward members for a game of water kickball... Well, I watched the game! :) I was a little nervous to be running around the bases because they put soap in the water to keep it slippery. Having busted my back and tailbone before, the thought of smacking the ground wasn't too appealing! :)

We then talked and got ready to head over for the fireworks! I went a little earlier and grabbed a delicious snocone to enjoy before the show. There was also a band playing some music by the Beach Boys and a few oldies. Loved it! It was an amazing display of fireworks. It went on for literally forty minutes!!! By the end I was covered in ashes!

The night didn't end there.....

We went back to the institute to wait for traffic and play some card games. I was a little bummed because we didn't have two decks to play Phase 10, so I opted to stay out and watch.

I then went into the lobby and had a very nice conversation with a couple of the "oldies" in the ward, like me! It was great!!! :)

I love the people that I have had the chance to meet recently. I just can't believe how lucky I am to have such fun and interesting new friends! Life is good!! :)

For the first time in my life, I feel......

WICKED!!!

Picture this: center stage, 12 rows back at one of the best musicals EVER!
Jealous???? My dream that came true this past week. I scored some awesome tickets through work and couldn't believe my luck!

I went with a friend and my residents, we all piled onto the bus and excitement was high as we got closer! :)

I could see the conductor from my seat!! PLUS, all the amazing costumes!!! OH and let's not forget the SINGING/ACTING/FACIAL EXPRESSIONS!!!! I loved it all and just soaked it all in!

On the way home a resident pulled out his harmonica and we sang tunes from the older generation, I can't think of a better way to end a night! My friend and I then returned to my place for some yummy ice cream and a long night of chatting.

I can't remember the last time I had such a good time! There is so much more that I want to describe, but I am terrible with words. I just wish everyone could have felt the way I did that night!!! :)

Thank you friend and thank you WICKED!!!!

You make me wanna....

Dance!

I am in the mood for a great night of DANCING!!! Lucky for me there is a huge dance this weekend in Germantown! Totally going to let my hair down and dance like there is no tomorrow!!! :)

And this is helping me prepare for my amazing time on the dance floor!

Not only is it showing me some awesome hip movements to catch a certain fella's eyes, but it is an AMAZING workout as well, right Mel? Please note that the person in the video isn't as good as a dancer as I know I am!

HA HA HA! Okay, okay, she is much better and definitely has the body for it as well... But I am going to be be closer to a prettier me by September!!! :)

I have a what!?

Wednesday night I was laying in my bed almost asleep when I had the most uncomfortable feeling in my side. It got to the point where no matter which way I was laying down I would be in pain.

So I did the thing someone in my situation would do and called Dr. Mom. I explained what was going on and she said to try some Advil and go to sleep. I followed her orders and laid back down waiting for the relief to come.

It was a little bit before midnight and the pain was soooo terrible that I called my sister Erin to tell her I needed to go the ER. I also called the emergency line for my insurance and explained what I was experiencing - they told me to call 911! I was literally doubled over in pain and extremely nauseous when Drew arrived to take me to the hospital. He also brought Logan and his sister Kasey (who is an RN) and she pretty much told me that she was sure it was a kidney stone!

We arrived at the ER and I went into start the paperwork and hopefully get some pain meds ASAP! To make a long story short - I didn't get the relief I wanted until a little after 3:00 AM. They then gave me some sweet morphine and I was in heaven!!

I had a CT scan done and they did see a kidney stone close to my bladder. They said it should be a day or two before I pass it. It was roughly 5:15ish and Drew came back to the ER to take me home so I could finally get some sleep.

I now have experienced a kidney stone and the pain that accompanies that... If they are correct in saying that pain is similar to that of having a child - I don't want ANY children!!!!