Looking in the mirror, reflecting on interactions with friends and family – made me realize I need to make changes. I mean, honestly, I don’t know one single person who doesn’t need to change a few things.
I find myself avoiding mirrors, cameras, public events… Because I am truly not happy with the way I look. I do know that it also affects the way that others view me. Which could be why I have had four individuals tell me that I am not an attractive person… It hurt then and it still hurts today.
I went to a painting workshop and was told to paint how we viewed ourselves – 95% of that class used dark colors and spirals leading downward. I was surprised to see that I was not the only one unhappy with whom I was on the inside/outside.
In speaking with a friend today and contemplating life and where I was compared to where I really wanted to be – I need a change! Not in my surroundings, friends, and work – I need a change in me!
No matter what I do – shopping, school, new hairstyles, better job, friends, boyfriends, paying off debts, traveling, cooking, entertaining – I am not feeling or finding the change I am craving. I am not feeling that deep-rooted change that makes me want to strive towards a better tomorrow… Instead I settle for okay.
Recently, I realized that what I wanted, that change, was going to take a lot of work – and that scared the hell out of me! Not the actual work, but realizing that it was okay for me to want these things in life. That I was a good enough and worth it!
This time I am not making changes because of this person or that person… I am making them for me. I want to be able to look in the mirror again, really look, and like what I see.
I like that, I always knew you were worth it, I am just glad YOU know it now too. Love ya!!!
ReplyDeleteSo happy for you to start this new journey.....You are DEFINITELY worth it and definitely ready to listen to Louise Hay's "You Can Heal Your Life". Find it on audiobook and listen. She talks about exactly the kind of change you are talking about and how to achieve that change with confidence, courage and hope. She tells you how to let go of what you have been and embrace the "new" you.
ReplyDeleteSeriously a wonderful book!! And you are so much more than what is in the mirror! You can do anything you want to and achieve it!
Ditto to what everyone else read - you are a fabulous and wonderful woman who deserves only the best. Now don't forget it! I'll be here on the sidelines, pom-poms in hand =)
ReplyDeleteAgreed for me and my own life too! We can cheer each on and pick each other up...it's going to be hard, but worth it because we're worth it!!! Love you!
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